Everything has a cost, for everything you have to pay a price. And this statement is not restricted to material things. Every decision, every hesitation, everything you do and also everything you don’t do, has a price. And you will pay this price consciously or unconsciously.

Imagine, you are unhappy with your job and you are thinking about to resign. If you do, the price will be to give up the known for the unknown, to give up the safety your current job provides you. You will give up your working location and maybe the possibility to get to work by bicycle including all the emenity like the fresh air in the morning, the morning dew in the forest, the first sun beams. You are giving up the funny conversations with your co-workers and maybe you’ll lose contact to some friends at work as well. And there is much more of this. You will pay the price if you want or not, if you are aware of it or not.

But same thing if you decide to stay. Here the price is the lost chance for a new beginning. You might regret your hesitation some day. You will play “what would have been when” games. And some day it might be too late to change the job since you reached an advanced age. And there are much more costs of course. And this has been just an example.

The point now is to assess the price. The more information you have about the price, the easier it will become to decide what to do. You will probably never see the complete price, but many aspects of it, which will give you the chance to make well-grounded decisions. You can decide consciously if you are willing to pay the price or not, as long as you are aware of it.

Hey that’s not  bad thing. Thinking about prices will lead to better decisions, more conscious decisions. Which is a good thing. Imagine there wouldn’t be costs, how boring would be decisions? You wouldn’t want this. Would you?

Dear god, if I am waking up in the morning in a bad mood, did I turn female over night then? Well, this one was flat, but I am sure it will polarize. The point is, men and women are different in some aspects. And no, I do not mean the obvious differences designed in a compatible way which make you grin now. No, I do mean mental discrepancies.

Recently I discussed this with a good friend and here is the condensed version. My dear femaleship, erm womanhood, I mean wearer of female primary sexual characteristics. One thing, men are different, men are still carrying genes of the cavemen, men need to be free, wild, stupid and animalistic … at times. Usually we are nice, obliging, kind, pleasant, friendly, cooperative, smiling, polite and under the spell of you, females. But at times we need to go out into the nature to roll in the mud.

At times we need to go out to do something stupid, to meet friends, to do sports, to run upwards a hill to scream loud at the top. At times we need to fight and to swing axes. At times we need to roll in the mud and do what men need to do. And when we come back home, exhausted and smiling, the last thing we want to hear are questions like: Where did you go? Where have you been? How has it been? Who has been with you? What did you do exactly? Why are you that late? and things like that.

Women, listen. imagine how it feels if you come home happy and smiling with a new pair of shoes you just bought and all you want to hear now is praise, admiration and endorsement. And then you get questions like: Why do you need another pair of shoes? Don’t you have pink ones already? How much money did you waste this time? Do you have any idea how long I need to work for these … rubber boots? Do you have any idea where to place them? The basement is already full of your … slippers. Didn’t they had a pair in your price class? Do you really want to wear those in public?!
And how does this feel? Exactly, this digs out the cave(wo)mans instinct to kill, fast, unexpected and without reason. See, and this is how it feels for us, members of the member gender. So again, when we come home exhausted and happy from a rolling in the mud activity, then all we need is silent understanding and appreciation. And the word “silent” is important here. Just smile at us, fill the bathtubs with hot water and bring us to bed afterwards. Pull the blankets over us and watch us snoring peacefully.

Yesterday evening I went for roller ski tour. 27km cross-country skiing on skikes. It brought me to my limits and I barely made it home. I was exhausted like hell and all I wanted was to rest my tortured limbs. So I jumped into the bathtub with hot water, relaxed and crawled under my blanket afterwards. I slept the sleep of a baby within seconds. And I felt good, incredible good.

It’s so easy to make a man happy. Isn’t it?

After writing about mindfulness I’ve got the hint that mindlessness is important too. What?! Oh, mindlessness, true. And after spending some brain computing cycles on that, I can only agree. Mindlessness can be translated into cheerfulness, gladness, laxity or nonchalance, unconcern, lightheartedness and spontaneity. All things which will enrich your life too. Without all these life would be boring, a lot. It would be same all day, lethargy alarm. Who would want that?

If you look up mindlessness you’ll get different meanings. There you could read lacking intelligence or good sense, or the word foolish. Having no intelligent purpose, meaning, or direction or giving or showing little attention or care and heedless. Sounds a bit negative somehow. So mindlessness is a bad thing? Don’t think so, if practiced in a positive way, means without harming or hurting others, without putting yours or others health and well-being on risk.

To be honest we all behave foolish at times and nobody is able to show attention and care all the time. So all of us have a built-in mindlessness. So far so good, but what is with intentional mindlessness. Well, here I think a few people do it more and others less. The more you are integrated into your everyday life, the less mindlessness can be seen. Everything is structured and has it’s place and time. This might be desirable in certain aspects, but kills creativity and spontaneity over time. Nah, that’s not what we want. So we need to break out of this structure at times. Which is not easy for a structured guy like me, believe me since I have ordered my books by size. But I need this mindlessness and I want it. So at times I am jumping on my bicycle and go for a ride into the forest, without any purpose, meaning, direction or goal. I just wanna go and exhaust myself in nature and free my mind. And know what, these are the moments I feel more inner peace and happiness. And on top comes, these are the moments I am having the best ideas. So mindlessness can generate happiness and creativity. Wow, sounds like brain Viagra. And indeed, all the adrenaline and hormones produced during a mindless bike ride or fooling around with close ones or just running through the sun have this effect … and I am talking about the effect of creativity and spontaneity within your brain and not the effect you are currently thinking of 😉

So I have to add something to the mindfulness advice. Try to keep mindfulness and mindlessness in balance and use it when appropriate. And yes, I just told you to behave like a kid at times. It’s fun, believe me.

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Can’t you understand
Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

Enjoy the silence

This are the lyrics of one of my most favorite songs ever and these lyrics became much more important  within the last weeks and months. I would only exchange one word in the refrain:

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is was here in my arms

At times people are realizing too late what they want and what they need. Sometimes this clearness and realization comes when the wanted entity is moving out of range. And then it’s too late. But mourning will not help here. Rather accepting the situation as it is and looking forward. Easily said, but hard to implement.

But that’s not my point now. Depeche Mode is a band which accompanied my life for so long now. I have experienced so many beautiful and so many sad moments when listening to these songs. Depeche Mode was played when I tried to explore the opposite gender many years back. Depeche Mode songs have been running when I recovered from rebuffs. These songs trigger so many memories.

There has been a Depeche Mode concert nearby recently and of course I went there. Huge stadium and I was one of 36000 people. Boah, what an atmosphere. And many of the old songs. But one special song went under my skin like no other, Enjoy the silence. Since this song represents quite good my current state, with the tiny refrain change stated above.

Anyway, the concert has been great, impressive. I have seen people from all ages in there. People who could be my parents and people which could have been my children. The complete range. Very interesting, but all of them singing and dancing together to the same songs. This has been very impressive since there are not many things which are able to unite young and old.

I closed my eyes to concentrate on the music of the song in subject and I tried to reactivate all the feelings which had been connected with it. There are so many, good ones and bad ones. But the lyrics pulled me back into the present quite often.

But there is another thing worth mentioning. Years back when I have seen Depeche Mode live first time, there have been thousands of lighters, an ocean of pocket lighters. But these days, only a few, not even a hand full. But what you see are thousands of smartphone displays taking movies of the live act. That’s kind of weird and very irritating. This is a change I didn’t expect.

Nonetheless the concert was great and I do love this song, Enjoy the silence.

Does this happen to you too? You park your car at a parking site and leave. After a few seconds or even minutes you are not sure anymore if you have locked the car and you go back and check. In most of the cases or almost every time it has been locked already. Sounds familiar, right?

This happens to me quite often when I am leaving my office. It doesn’t take long and I get doubts if I locked away all papers, if I closed the window or if I locked the door. Damn, how many times did I go back to find out I did it already. Well, what you don’t have in your head, you need to have in your legs then 😉 …… or an increased ability to stand and counter nice comments from your colleagues. But easy, the range from possible excuses is wide, from a flat “I forgot something” up to “damn, I love this office smell”. Meanwhile I do use the knowledge that the probability that I have locked the door is quite high, and I just leave with a smile. But this doesn’t solve the issue.

But why do we not remember if we did something or not. Well, first thing which comes to my mind, my brain seems to miss some wiring and forgets things faster, Yay! But it’s something different. Over time I started to do repeating things unconscious. We all do this, otherwise you still would think what to do in which order when driving a car. You do this unconscious, which in fact is good. Since then you can focus on the traffic more and the probability decreases that you will crash into my car. So please keep going this habit 😉

So at times this automatism is very useful, but many times it’s not, even annoying. For example if I have to go back to my office to check things which are not necessary. Point is, I do not do these things conscious anymore since my mind knows what and how to do and just does ,without bothering my conscious part of the brain. Hey, that’s called efficiency, if the conscious brain part wouldn’t burn too many cycles to remember something the unconscious part did never deliver and hid.

So what do I do with this now? Well, I am trying to do certain things conscious, to focus on the things I am currently doing, to focus on the here and now, to focus on the moment. So, when I leave office I do close the window consciously and I do lock the door consciously. Same with my car. This way I give my conscious mind something to remember when I ask it to remember if I have done something already. I am so proud of myself 🙂 ….. Nah, just kidding. And the beauty of this is, it can enrich your life in any aspect. So I want to encourage you, do things conscious. This is called mindfulness. Focus your mind on the moment and then this moment will reward you in a way you never imagined. For example yesterday. I met a very good friend I haven’t seen for some time and we have been sitting on a bench, talking, exchanging happenings from the last days and weeks. If your mind is flowing around during a conversation, you might miss some information, might it be a verbal one or non-verbally. Means do not built together your next sentence or answer as long your conversation partner talks to you. Instead listen, listen actively, mindfully, openly. Observe non-verbal information, facial expressions, gestures, sound of the voice and deviations from the default level, and and and. This way you will experience the conversation much more intense and valuable. Has been a simple conversation, and mindfulness made it to an intense experience and I am still feeling good because of this chat. And be honest, you would prefer too if your conversation partners mind is with you when you are talking to him or her, right?

Mindfulness makes every moment to a special one. Enjoy every moment. Life has a date of expiry. Lost moments will never come back. Open your mind and live every moment.

Live is great, isn’t it?

I like Mondays ….. and I like irony 😉 funny or not? Okay, next try: Yesterday I have been so damned drunk, that I had to take a taxi ……. tomorrow I’ll bring it back 😛  ….. funny or not? hmm, okay, last try: I always wanted to do something with animals …. that’s why I love to barbecue these days 😉 …… funny or not? If not, we definitely don’t have the same sense of humor and this makes me feel so sorry for you. Nah, not really, but the point is, different people have different senses of humor. Which is good actually. Did you know that there are people which have trouble to understand irony or don’t understand irony at all? I didn’t know until I met one. It’s amazing since every try of irony will cause confusion up to incomprehension. I know it’s evil, but these people literally crave to be a test person for irony. And shame on me, I have to admit that I have fun to be ironic to people who don’t understand this art :-/

But confusion can also be caused within ironic people. Have you ever tried to look as serious as possible when a friend tells you a joke? No smile, no laugh, just a bored “and?”. And then watch the face. Unfortunately I can’t maintain this state for long until I explode in laughter. Sometimes, when I am bored, I’ll go to the IKEA parking lot and hum the melody of Tetris. Or another nice thing, ask a passing woman at the street and point to her t-shirt: “Do you think they would have had this t-shirt also in your size?”. But if you make jokes about others, you should also be man enough to make jokes about yourself. How about this one? Heat makes things expand. According to this I am not fat, just hot 🙂

To summarize this, there are different senses and perceptions of humor. And now comes the wisdom of the day. I realized that all my good friends have a quite close sense of humor compared to mine. Not to say it’s more or less the same humor. Interesting, isn’t it? So if your reaction to above jokes is just an raised eyebrow, you are either extremely cool, or incompatible to me. This might be sad or joyful, depending if you are female and good looking 😀 … Nah, just kidding. Point is, if you don’t like the jokes, it’s quite unlikely we would have ever become friends. And I don’t say I do have an extraordinary sense of humor. It’s just different to yours without doing any judgements (wuhahaha;)

And this humor topic becomes even more serious (wow, what a word play, tapping myself on my shoulder) in a partnership. In my opinion it’s mandatory that potential partners have the same sense of humor. If not, the relationship might become very difficult and you are spending more time to resolve misunderstandings than actually joking. How sad, but maybe desirable if you are a talkative person 😉
Anyway, so my advice would be if I had a say, if you can’t laugh about your partners jokes, just smile nicely or run away as fast as you can. A life without humor is like a Tequila without salt and lime. Just yuk.

Live is fun, isn’t it?

What do you want? How many times did I get this questions and how many times did I answer without thinking. And of course these answers change according to your age. In early ages the answers show a heavy tendency into a material direction and are usually projected on toys. This won’t change for some years, just the toys will become bigger and more expensive. Years later the material focus will fade away, replaced by non-material things like happiness, friendship, love, satisfaction. And some more years down the road it will change again, mainly circling around health.

Recently I spent some time with this question and I thought about it seriously, for the first time in my life. It was time to focus on this. And to answer the question what I want in life, I had to answer another question first. What is important to me? So I made a list. Some things I could write down right away, some came to this list after some thinking. To be honest, most of the entries have been clear to me, but some have been a surprise for me as well. And for sure this list will be in a constant flow and change over time. Here comes my current list, the items which are important to me right now:

• respect, appreciation, trust, understanding, attention
• happiness and inner peace
• justice and fairness
• health
• an interesting and challenging international job, responsibility, power, influencing and changing the world
• constant self development, broaden my horizon
• sports, especially skiing, good condition and shape
• friends
• intellectual discussions, experiencing different points of view, cultures
• fun, smiles, positive attitude
• well, the list wouldn’t be complete without satisfaction of physical needs

Okay, these things are important to me. Good to know since some of them I ignored within the last years for different reasons. So I didn’t care much about my health, or I don’t have too many friends. In fact there’s only a hand full of true friends and I am lousy in maintaining friendships. Do I like this? Of course not! Do I want to change this? Definitely! So looks like I have already some items for my What-do-I-want list. And in fact thinking about my values helped me to become clear what do I want in life. And here is the outcome, my personal what-do-I-want list:

• intact partnership, based on trust, appreciation and respect, giving and experiencing unconditional love
• providing my kids an optimal childhood
• being best dad ever
• being best husband ever
• international assignment, living abroad
• travel/explore the world, meet new cultures, learn new languages
• maintain and enlarge a circle of good friends, spend more time with friends
• develop a more mature character
• experience my limits, do extreme and unexpected things
• writing

In some things on this list I am already pretty good, in others I failed in a miserable way. But this is my list and this is what I want. I am very clear about this meanwhile and I am ready to change my live accordingly, even if this will require more drastic steps.

I found my path. It will be painful, but it will lead me back to inner peace. My journey just started. What do you want?