Do you know there is a difference between having options and keeping options? We have been told from early years on to evaluate possible options before deciding something, in the optimal case all possible options. We weight them, list pros and cons of all options. And then decide for one. Should be easy then, since you have enough information to make a solid decision. Done.

Problem is, life makes it more difficult for you and just takes some information out of the game. Means, usually you don’t know all possible options or advantages and disadvantages of the known ones. So your picture is incomplete, consciously or unconsciously. Oh my god! Nah, it’s not omg. Then just decide based on the knowledge you have. You might be wrong, sure. But you have decided based on what you had and you will decide exactly the same way if you had to do it again under the same circumstances and knowledge. That’s life, at times you’ll win and at times you’ll learn. And on top comes, even if you have all the knowledge you need to decide, even then your decision might turn wrong if the surrounding conditions change afterwards. There is no need to be afraid to decide wrong. Making a wrong decision is way better than not deciding at all.

Some people tend to procrastinate decisions if they are major, uncertain, if the knowledge base for the decision is too thin. They keep evaluating options again and again in case of unpredictability, in case of risks. They just don’t decide, hoping the issue will vanish by it’s own. I have this tendency as well and I know this makes life not easier. Nonetheless I keep looking at the options instead of nailing the decision down. One of the reasons for it is, I am more a head decider and I don’t feel comfortable with decisions made out of the stomach or based just on feelings. But the head comes into trouble if the pros and cons are kind of in balance. And even if they are not balanced and it’s clear, I am looking for missing options. Stupid, isn’t it?

So the trick is to become aware of this pattern. well this leads at times to the negative effect of overdoing the counter movement, means some decisions might be terribly wrong since made with consciously avoiding to evaluate the options logically. But hey, better than no decision at all. Why do I think this way? Since at times not deciding or procrastinating has bigger negative side effects than you see and the problem is, at times not only for you. For example if your options influence others or depend on others. It might happen that procrastinating a decision will hurt people or destroy something.

At times it appears so easy not to act or decide, but sometimes the consequences might make you and others pay a price you never wanted. So just go and get this damn cone of ice cream 😉

One of my habits is the want to make right decisions. Now everybody defines ‘right’ in a different way. For me ‘right’ has two aspects. The first one, of course, is selfishness. I want to decide in a way its beneficial for me. We all do. But there is also a second aspect, kind of heritage from my parents. I tend to make it right for everybody, which has advantages and disadvantages. Nonetheless it influences the way I make decisions, especially in a private environment. It means I am trying not to hurt the people influenced by my decision. You can imagine that this doesn’t work all time. Some decisions are just too fundamental, the two options to decide just too opposed, that one party will be hurt definitely. It can not be avoided. On top comes the contradiction with my selfishness.
So some decision can not be made without violating my own values and beliefs. As a result I become hesitant in these cases. I am trying more hard to find a solution which does not violate my values. Deep inside me I know there is none, nonetheless I try to find one, and here starts the stupid part. At times I don’t realize that this hesitation might hurt others too. At times even more than actually deciding against something. Interesting, avoiding to hurt can turn into the opposite. And the harder I try not to, the more I’ll hurt.
So, what am I now? Am I a coward regarding certain decisions? Feel free to think so. Am I hesitant? yes, I am in many cases, especially in the important ones. That’s my personality. Will I be able to change it? I don’t know, but I will definitely try.
But if my wish to avoid to hurt people makes me a coward, I am glad to be one.

Do you know this feeling? Something you considered good in your life has changed. Something you had, something important, a part of you, changed. It isn’t there anymore. Probably you didn’t even realize how important it was or became to you before you lost it. Maybe you took it for granted and it wasn’t. In fact nothing is. But now, it’s gone. You have lost it or you missed the chance to get it. Now you start to realize how important this has been to you. Now you feel pain, suddenly.

And you start to remember, all the happy moments you had. You are looking back, analyzing what happened, what went wrong, what made it vanish, what did you wrong. And then, in some cases, you do see the reason clearly. Suddenly you know why you have lost it and you wish to be able to turn the time back. But you can’t. So you continue to look back, trying desperately to keep these happy moments in memory, to live them again and again. But however hard you try, these memories will fade away slowly, sadly.

And then, at times, life confronts you with your loss and with it comes hope. Thoughts jump through your mind, promising thoughts that it can be as it had been before you lost it. Your brain is fooling you with showing you the gone happy moments, pulling you back into the past. And you start acting on this illusion. It feels good for the moment. But this does not bring you any closer to it, in fact it pulls it even more away and the awaking of these dreams is usually hurtful and filled with sadness.

Obviously making the past to a purpose in life isn’t a good idea. What a surprise. Looking at it with clear mind, it’s crystal clear and we detect this behavior easily at others. But once self within this trap, living in the past ourselves, it’s not that easy to realize and even more hard to escape that trap. It’s easily said to live in the present, to look forward, but nobody taught us that it’s a hard and painful way.

The past is gone, and the present is a place filled with junctions. The problem is to pick the right path. But you will never choose the right one if you keep looking over your shoulder with self-pity and sadness. But if you are looking forward with a smile, you have a good chance to see the right path to walk on. So, turn your nose into the wind and start walking. Just as simple as that. So, let’s go …