Refrigerator Psychology

What fridge type are you? Your fridge is always full? Yes? Cool, so you are the ‘I wanna be prepared’ type. Let’s call him Mr. Hoard. But there are different flavors in this approach. So I’ll ask you, filled with what? Beer bottles? Then you’re more the thirsty Mr. Hoard type, which usually comes in one of the following two sub-types. ‘Party is my life’ or ‘I am so lonely’. Both sub-types have many things in common, lots of empty bottles for example, distributed in the entire apartment. To distinguish those two sub-types you have to have a closer look. If the bottle distribution is rather equal or creative, e.g. a swimming bottle in the toilet, another one in the micro wave or tied to the tail of the dog, then you might be in the apartment of a member of the ‘I wanna be prepared and party is my life’ species. In this case check behind the couch, you might find him sleeping there. But in any case, it was probably a good party. But if the bottle distribution is kind of clustered, usually close to the path from the fridge to the couch, with a primary bottle cluster around the couch, then you might find a member of the ‘I wanna be prepared and I am so lonely’ species. The bottle trail is a good hint, but to determine the specimen, you have to check for signs like beer belly, stoic eyes and oily hair with butter flakes. But careful, the example might burp suddenly and unexpected in your direction. In this case, good luck.

But the beer bottle collector is just one flavor of Mr. Hoard. Another flavor is the healthy hamster. Here the fridge is full of vegetables and fruits, but nothing to eat. Well, nothing serious to eat. Starving on a high level. If you are hungry, have a carrot. Need a snack? Have a carrot. Need a present for a friend? Have a carrot. You don’t like carrots? Broccoli will do too. In such a case I usually say: “Broccoli tastes the best if you replace it shortly before eating with a huge steak.” But hey, it is healthy. And there is the ‘a little bit of everything’ Mr. Hoard His fridge is filled up to the last free spot with various kinds of food. He is able to cater a party or to prepare a huge family dinner without a thought. Everything is there, always. The fridge is filled as there is no tomorrow for grocery shops. He feels the urge to replace every item he removes from the fridge. Those people are usually very popular as friends or flatmates.

And there is another fridge owner type, Mr. Perfect. His fridge has the right stuff in the right amount in the right package size, ordered by color, size and expiration date. Every item has it’s place. Misplacing anything in there is considered as blasphemy. The fridge is kind of an altar. And there is usually a second fridge, containing items to be able to refill the primary fridge as soon as something is missing. Serious business. Fridge visitors will drive Mr. Perfect crazy when they only look into the fridge. And a little word of warning, the fridge management of Mr. Perfect is usually extended to the entire apartment. So don’t touch anything! Never! But there is a high temptation for experimentation. You can try to change the by-size order of the eggs, or open two cheese packages of the same kind at the same time, and see what happens. But be prepared to run. As fast as you can.

The complete opposite of Mr. Perfect is Mrs. Idontcare. She is the goddess of entropy. Her fridge is a biotope or habitat, an experiment to prove that intelligent live exists beyond humankind. You won’t find items in her fridge which would be called “food” by other people. But you may find items which might have been food some time in the past. There is the open cheese package from last summer. It’s hard as a stone and you start wondering how is it possible that something grows on that rock? You feel like discovering water on Mars. But it is living. In general it’s very fluffy in that fridge and you can make a game trying to guess what’s underneath that fur. The only way for those items to ever leave the fridge is to grow feet to be able to walk out. And believe it or not, some are really trying this. The wonder of life. Next step in the evolution of those little fridge pets would be that they say “Hey mom, I’ll be out for a while” when they walk out the fridge with a smile. Science is awesome. That’s also the reason why you’ll find items in the fridge of Mrs Idontcare which do not really belong in there, like hair rubber bands, coins, makeup, train tickets, etc. Trying to find any rationale how those things might have got in there triggers heavy headache already.

And there is another fridge type. Mr Minimalist. His fridge is simply empty. It’s not even switched on or connected to a power socket. Well, why do you need to waste energy when the nothing is in there anyway. And why to put anything in the fridge at all? You have to buy the item, you have to carry it home, you have to make sure the expiration date is still in the future, you have to take it in and out of the fridge. It might need preparation and there is the package to be removed, recycled, etc. So much hassle for to enjoy a single yogurt at home? Forget it. Mr Minimalist is pragmatic, fetches his yogurt from a vending machine at work and eats it there. Problem solved. And restaurant owners need to live too, so why wasting fridge energy. There is absolutely no need. And if the fridge wouldn’t be that far from the bedroom, he would probably use it as closet for his socks.

So, what kind of fridge type are you?