Appearing indecisive

Well, it times I get the feedback to be indecisive, as happened recently again. Once in a while I get the complain that I do not have an opinion and I do not know what I want. That’s probably not a big deal, happens to many of us. But the interesting part here is, I don’t experience myself in such a way, not always. I think I know quite well what I want and most of the time I have an opinion about everything.

Looks like a clear disconnect between my sense of self and the awareness of others. Again nothing which is that unusual for humans. So where does this disconnect come from? One of my problematic habits is that I want to understand what’s happening and I keep thinking about those things until I have found a reason or an solution which fits into my view of the world. Some would argue that I am just whitewashing my weaknesses. Maybe, but at least I became quite good in self-reflecting meanwhile. And at times I am even learning something while doing so and change my behavior, at least for a while.

So, now you are curious what my excuse is to be indecisive. Here it comes. My drive for harmony is fooling me here. As you might found out when following my blog, I am one of the guys who are trying to preserve harmony. One of those guys who get along with almost everybody, who is trying to suit and please everybody around. That’s the heritage from my parents, with all its good and bad sides. But how does this influence my decisiveness? Well, it does not, or not to the extent you might think. But it definitely has an impact on the way I am communicating my decisions.

As I found out I am trying at times to wiggle out of question where I know my answer or opinion might hurt the asking person. So it happened that I made a clear decision, but did not communicate this decision to the affected people since I did not want to hurt them with this decision. Crazy, isn’t it? The decision had been made, but I did not communicate clear and crisp what I want I not want. Instead I tried to preserve harmony. You do not need to be visionary to realize that this strategy does not work out as expected. Not communicating a hurtful message will not make the underlying truth vanish. In the contrary, it will make all involved people suffer more.

So I don’t think there is a disconnect in my self-awareness and the awareness of others regarding my decisiveness. I need to learn that communicating straight is the better strategy, even if the truth hurts. Since everything else is just procrastination of the pain, which usually multiplies it. It’s so simple, isn’t it?